What's all this nonsense about Barack Obama being too thin?

It's just that he's an ectomorph, that's all. Or is the term "ectoplasm"?

UPDATE: Now Obama is claiming not to have lost any weight. In fact he claims to have created or saved over 650,000 lbs!

Addendum: Sorry to disappoint the hundreds who've called and emailed asking how to obtain their own "Barack Skellington" figurine, but the toy is only at the design stage at this moment, nor is it expected to be in production in time for the 2009 Christmas season. The prototype model pictured above is not for sale.

...quite a bit worse than the old boss, akshully.

Our Nobel Laureat peace President will enter the history books as having fired the first shot of an interplanetary war on October 9th, 2009.

Is it possible that even one of Contra Obama's legion of erudite readers is unfamiliar with Gidney & Cloyd, the moonmen from the first ever Rocky and Bullwinkle serial? If so, the knowledge gap can be immediately filled by clicking on the words, FLY ME TO THE MOON, which will take you to an explanatory Wikipedia page.

Bullwinkle J. Muezzin

And Bill Scott is his prophet.

If you haven't yet read Robert Ferrigno's acclaimed Assassin Trilogy -- thrillers about the future of the United States as an Islamic Republic -- what's keeping you?

Here's the first:

Prayers for the Assassin
by Robert Ferrigno
(Pocket Books, Mass Market Paperback, 496pp.)

Note: Bullwinkle does NOT feature in any volume of the trilogy.

Muammar explains it all.

(Yes, that's an actual quote from Gaddafi's speech to the United Nations this morning.)

[Click the picture to make it, oh, yea big.]

The pig is PORCO ROSSO!

To His Most Royal Majesty, George the Third, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland King, Defender of the Faith, Duke of Brunswick and Lüneburg, Archtreasurer of the Holy Roman Empire,

Sir,

My Mummy, Lady of the Bedchamber to Her Royal Highness Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, requests that I write again to inform Your August Majesty of more Mean Placards of a most disloyal and disgusting nature which I have observed posted about Your city of Portsmouth.

Though the name of the traitorous artist behind these excecrable designs is unknown, rumour has it that one Benjamin Franklin, an uncouth and unlettered tradesman from (of all places!) Philadephia, disseminated the morbid print. May it please Your Majesty to know that I have alerted Your Royal Denunciation Network (unionjack@buckingham.roy) of this most "fishy" act of sedition.

Your Obedient, Loyal and Obsequious Servant,
Miss Julia Hall
Portsmouth, New Hampshire

P.S. I have written Your Majesty before about these Treasonous Broadsides, but, to my deep disappointment, as of yet have not seen the Miscreants dealt with in the appropriate and memorable manner I most deferentially proposed. Get on it.

From the benighted country that brought us Teletubbies (a ghastly old British children's program featuring a character named after a bedpan) we now get a spamalanche of advice on why we should submit to Obamacare.

Obama's senior advisor, David Axelrod, invented a term we've been hearing a lot lately: "astroturfing." It refers to his political trick of simulating a "grass roots" (i.e. organized from below) movement by hiring campaign workers to represent themselves -- through multiple online personalities and pseudonyms -- as a vast number of ordinary folks spontaneously expressing support for... well, for whatever Axelrod pays them to promote.

Now Axelrod has gone international.

He's hired British Astroturf from the ranks of the Labour [sic] Party. In the United Kingdom, the artificial grass product Astroturf™ is known by its tradename OddSodd™, and so the designation "Oddities" or "Soddomists" has been applied to these Brit hirelings who have been trying to create the illusion of a groundswell of English commoners loudly insisting Americans place themselves under the yoke of Obamacare.

Whether Americans will be persuaded to enslave themselves with an Obamanoid version of the British NHS "Free Medicine, Unless You Need It" plan is not clear at present.

To His Most Royal Majesty, George the Third, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland King, Defender of the Faith, Duke of Brunswick and Lüneburg, Archtreasurer of the Holy Roman Empire,

Sir,

My mummy,  Lady of the Bedchamber to Her Royal Highness Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, enjoins me to petition you humbly and respectfully in regards to a matter of no little to distress to one such as I, a maiden of tender years and delicate sensibilties. I refer to the disquieting placards, numerous beyond calculation and of a most unsavory and mean nature, which are belike to cover every exposed inch of façade throughout Your cities of London, Boston, New York and Philadelphia and which, moreover, treasonously call into question Your Wisdom in the impostion of the altogether noble, fair and fiscally necessary Stamp Act.

Surely appropriate correction for these Mean Signs lies with the fearful power of Your August Majesty's dread Arm of Justice, expressed, if I may be so bold as to suggest, in the application of the scourge, pillory, gallows, oubliette or rat-filled, reeking, diseased prison ship? Or, by your leave, if the press or rack be still employed by your Administors of Law, or even, as I thrill to hope, disembowelment and quartering, I pray your indulgence that I may attend such executions of sentence for the Increase of my Civic Knowledge and Advancement of my Moral Education.

Your most Obedient, Loyal and Humble Servant,
Miss Julia Hall
Portsmouth, New Hampshire

   

Click here to download:

Will_Pee-Wee_Obama_Stick_it_Ou.zip (237 KB)

Nurse Nancy! To the Oval Office stat!
More Pee-wee Obaman HERE.

This candid photo of the infamous "Joker Poster" designer has come into our possession through sources which we are not at liberty to disclose at this time. Although the identity of the Obama desecrator remains unknown at present, we at Contra Obama (soon to be renamed "Not At All Contra Obama, In Fact We Sorta Like Him") are confident this abuser of his first amendment privileges will no longer be operating with "free rein" for very much longer. If you spot this man -- who was last seen dispensing his posters in Toluca Lake from a dun-colored 1934 Chevrolet Series dB Master Commercial closed cab pickup -- please e-mail the White House Department of Dissent Control at flag@whitehouse.gov immediately.